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I cry for all the things Ive lost
I cry mostly for time
That can never be found again
I cry for all the chances I got
And never took
For whatever reason
I just could not
I cry for those who lived and died
And never had the chance
To just
Live
I cry for every dance
I knew I could but walked away
Sometimes we just cannot
Be brave
Sometimes we need to close the door
To be on our own
To reflect
For change
On all our Why’s
And on all our Joy’s
And all our internal conversations
That we as woman
Have
Sometimes it’s just too much
Contemplation
I cry because we find it hard to be real
To be truly free
Of All These Questions
Buzzing around like flies
Distracting me from what is truly mine
Revive me oh God!
Revive me
For in this place
I cannot and will not stay

More Than…

More than a feel-good feeling

More than emotional upliftment

More than a temporary fix

More than positive feelings

Higher than motivational talks

Higher than the best poem

Higher than the cleverest words

More than a dance

More than the best song

He is a Sovereign God

Writing my story

Writing yours

A sovereign God

A sovereign God

HE took time out for my soul

More than the vast expanse of so great a universe

Sent His son and gave us so great a salvation

So great

So great

It expands like a vast unbreakable bridge

Between Earth and Heaven

And He stands on it

For it is unshakable

So, Come

He says

Come

For opposite to this

Is nothingness

Come

HE says

Come

#grace #nowistime  #graceperiod  #chasingjoy  #refinedbyfire #lovablewarriorking #amandawichmannking 

After listening to this mornings on line message, I am convicted about my heart. I am brought back to understanding His love and sacrifice He made for me.

So let us come back to love. His love. Then nothing else matters.

Worship songs this morning.

Shadow Step #hillsongs

“Light up the way of Your heart
Move me like You do the mountains
Move me like You do the wind
And I’ll chase Your voice through the dark
Fix my eyes on the unexpected
In the wonder of Your shadow step
So take another step…”

Just one look #maverickcitymusic

“With just one look
Everything changes
I’m captivated
I’ll never be the same…”

Hebrews 6v19
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain.”


And the years just fell down one after the other like dominoes
A finger flicked the first year and they all fell down
Time trickles like sand through my hands
All the seconds
All the minutes
All the hours
All the months
All the years
Down to the dust
Down to the ground
Where all that lives must go
And we wonder why
We wonder
Who holds all the secrets of the heavens
All the questions
It is He
The secret things belong to God
So here I stand open
Carrying it all
Sometimes its too much
Time
Falling through my hands
I want to live
I want to love
I want to explore
And do it all
So I stop because chasing things
Is pointless
So I stopped
I rested
I listened
I waited
And my soul took a walk
Outside of my body
She walked into the light
Stepped out into the night
And walked onto the wet green grass
She felt a certain kind of freedom
               As she walked slowly
Heart pounding
Something was happening
Something was changing…
              New hope was rising
Because she knows her final destiny
              Is far better than anything
On earth
             Far far better
             A hope within
That no one can take away
            Ever
There she walks, smiling
           Satisfied

Deuteronomy 29:29 
The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law. 

When you heart shrinks

And you sat back and think

Where has all the time gone

The things you fought for

Have become a bore

Dead in your inner core

And the years have just disappeared

When people you believed in

Have disappointed and caved

You must turn to the one

Who has kept you sane

When you look back

You can clearly see His hand

But something has changed in you

You are no longer the same

You take a deep breath

Remembering all the storms you’ve walked through

All that they have taught you

And you know that you will never

Ever

Ever

Be the same

But you know you will be more than okay

And you know that He was with you

All the way

You sit satisfied

That He holds your hand

Just hold on and don’t let go!

Sometimes you have to be in the crowd to grow and to understand humanity with all its imperfections, brokenness and faults. The sooner you realise that perfection does not exist the faster the growth. If you live separated from all that is and from all that makes us human then you will not grow. Be thankful for everything, the good and the bad because both are meant for your growth. Human nature always strives for perfection, perfect lives, perfect families, perfect body, perfect home, perfect everything…that’s just plain exhausting!

It’s 2020, live fully in every moment.

If I ever catch myself feeling sorry for myself for whatever reason, I close my eyes and think of people sitting without love in hospitals and in their homes or sick people and children with no one to truly care for them then I realize that I have much. I have so much. You have a lot, so stop chasing perfection rather chase joy and be happy today. Life is short to live looking at all the imperfections and flaws in others and yourself. Get up, dust yourself off and get going.  Make it happen for you and allow yourself to embrace it all.

Ecclesiastes 7 v 20

²⁰ Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous,
    no one who does what is right and never sins.

Philippians 3 v 12-14

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

The smell of oak

And pine trees

The crunch of dead leaves

The coolness of air

and the fresh new breeze

Letting us know

That winters over

Spring is here

The whispers from the stream

Whisper

As you sit and think of many dreams

There are times you think you might

Fall apart

Then grace falls down

On the grey heart

Winters over now

Its over

Spring is here

What lies behind her smile

Is a heart that was too open

A spirit crushed

By life

And all is challenges

And changes

What lies behind her smile

Is a quiet strength gained

From hard work

And rejection

Strength and wisdom

No one can take away

What lies behind her smile

Is a determination

Not to be left behind

But to pursue her dreams

Despite rejection

She moves forward

What lies behind her smile

Is her brokenness

That’s built within her and has become part of her

A gentleness

An understanding of some things

But never all

What lies behind her smile

Is a knowing That He has to be there

Even when He feels like a stranger

A sense of knowing

The essence of growing

Into a strong woman

Who stands steady

Despite the winds and storms

Of invisible prejudice and racism

Like a firm oak

Planted In values

In something That sometimes she does not even fully know

What lies behind her smile

Is Hope

 

Black bird

He reached into the depth of it

And there he found what was left of it

A soul that poured out

Clawed out

A living testimony

Crawling out a dark hole

She gave the best of it

Like a black bird

To rise again

Scarred

A living testimony

Strong like a phoenix

A flame sparked

She opened her mouth

And called out from the dark

Echoed voice

Just echoes…

Of a soul

Seeking

Freedom

Blackbird

You have to learn to fly

Again

Sometimes I am given a vision, a thought or words for someone who has passed…this will be the 4th poem of this kind. I have not published the others on my site. Whether I was close or not…the words or vision comes without any effort from me. These are the words I felt…for Philani Thusi an ex learner. A young person who took his own life this past week.

No time left…

When you looked at me

You didn’t see the pain

That broke me

That swallowed me whole

It took my soul

So much brokenness

I spiraled down

Left with no confidence

 

How much I wanted to be accepted by you

A million likes and reviews

A guess you didn’t know the depth

The depth of how far down it went

It’s too late

I’ve walked through the gate

Signed in

Checked in

No second chance to return

To let you know the depth of

My yearn….ING

Longing

For freedom

Of all the pain

That no one knew I was suffering

I’m gone now

 

But please

Don’t doubt His existence

He loves me…

His persistence

He chased my soul

I’m gone now

I’m made whole

He is the ultimate judge

Remember

Life is not forever

I’m gone

Make your life count

I’m out…

Written for Philani Thusi… From Heritage Academy, Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa

When you hear about so much pain, people who have lost loved ones, I cannot imagine or fathom the depth of brokenness and the feeling of loss. Do not runaway from God. He is Jehovah Nacham, The Lord your comforter. Psalm 56 v 8.

SANITY

Where is sanity

Buffeted by wind and waves

Not in control

Feeling alone

Feeling overwhelmed

Wondering why

Yet you are in my mind, my soul

My stability

My sanity and peace

When things just don’t make sense

And this world…

When will it embrace you

Tossed about

But afloat…

 

Jesus!

You are my sanity

My number one remedy

It’s you who died for me

And I’m set free

Through all the pain

I know I will gain

Victory

Immeasurably!

 

When I was broken into pieces on the floor

I heard you calling to me knocking at my door

You mended

Protected

Elevated

Me

You see…and

 

I am forever

Grateful

Thankful

Praise – full

In this mouth

I will never doubt

Because Jesus

My sanity

Remedy

Paid a hard price for me

 

No turning back brother, sister

Mother, father

No use looking

There is no other

Stop wasting time

Living in your grime

There is no other Divine

Love

Complete love

That goes beyond and above

 

No one is given more than one life

Why you want keep living in your strife

Make Him your remedy

He is waiting

Anticipating

Your return

Stop deliberating!

Stop looking the other way

No other day like today

 

Don’t worry and don’t be afraid

He has already paid the price

No need to be dismayed

You can start debt free in His grace

All you got to do is to start the race

 

Jesus my sanity

Make Him your number one remedy.